Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Sorry!! Some believe it mean Nothing.

It was an awesome trip and was going to end on a High note, but 10 minutes before it could have ended there, An argument splashed into air and it was awful, poisonous and painful. That pain still reviving periodically when trying to rake up the past. No doubt the selection of words and actions were wrong and that it has to be condemned by everybody. But the question which haunts me is that "Was it only me who was wrong?" and "The one who apologizes first (or the only one who apologizes) be pleaded guilty?"

The next moment when all this ended up is when I realized, Buddy! You did a huge mistake, You could have shut the fuck up!!, But alas! the bullet was out of the gun and was aimed to hit the crowd to an unidentified target. And yes it did hurt the (unplanned) target, destroyed a part of it, but the recoil force hit me deep down and made me hollow. I was stunned Left, Right and Center! The first thing that came to my mind was, Dude you need to apologize.  That silent 10 minutes before getting down the train I prepared myself to Bend down and ask for a genuine apology, cause the relationship was far more worth to me then anything else.

The target was hurt, he swallowed the pain, refrained from expressing and was calm and composed. I knew I was wrong and wanted to accept my mistake and approached to him for that suddeny the calm vibes turned rough and stormy, the reply was straight, "Leave me alone, I don't want to talk right now'" That was an obvious reply to what had happened earlier. It was 0030 hours and wanted to leave for my home from the main station. The last message I gave him was "Stay calm, I would call you after some time."

I couldn't bear the load and quilt of hurting a dear friend while on my way back home messaged him my feelings and also messaged a mutual friend to make my point on my behalf.  Another friend moving with me to my room asked me to cool down as I was restless, but I wanted reply to my apology. It was 0230 hours after a long tiring walk of 30 minutes to my room and we were planning to sleep, but my own guilt did not let me to do so. I thought unless I settle my apology , I will not sleep. So, called my friend (whom I offended)  twice , call attended, heard, but not answered the only thing I heard was, "I don't want to talk" Finally after few calls I heard "Okay, you accept you were wrong, I forgive. I was Relieved!!

I knew the true lines, 
" Rahiman dhaga prem ka, Mat todo chitkay; 
Tute se phir na mile, Mile gaath pad jaye."
I knew the knot would be visible and and the scratch on the plain glass would be visible, No matter but I genuinely wanted all this to be forgotten for good. My effort was from bottom of my heart, Cried my heart out that day, but still don't know the genuineness of that forgiveness , as it was newer Expressed.

What happened can't be changed, but I still think apart from digging a hole down the earth, getting into it and apologizing from there, what else I could have done to to forget my deeds and be forgiven by  a friend.

My efforts seems to be ignored and thrashed. Me Degected!! The only point I would never laugh on someone's pain and would expect others to follow the same. Jokes away from the grey area!

Still wish if he could understand what friendship mean to me.

Gonna get sleep now.
P.E.A.C.E.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your writing is really touchy, Shows you are a kind of person who bends down not because you are always wrong, but because to you, your relationships matter more than your ego and trust me, not many people can do what you did. I hope the friend mentioned here understands you enough to know this; If not, I feel sorry for him. God bless you. Keep blogging :)